Being Single

Being Single

Long spaces of aloneness,

Filling the space with action,

Some fun 

Some not.

It is inevitable

that the spaces fill with people,

Some wanted some not.

Passing numbers to and fro.

A dance becomes an invitation.

A coffee, a walk, a dinner, a movie.

Some wanted most not.

Am I single or am I not?

Ginger V

Stay at home.....

It is Friday night.

In a past past life I would have been out dancing.  In that past past life, I would have gone to a restaurant club where I often danced 4 or 5 nights a week.  I would go out at 10 and dance until two.  On a weekend night, I often went with a group to have breakfast before going home to sleep.

I met Camillo in that club.  During all of our dating time, we would meet there to dance.  We also met friends for dinner and many other activities in a group throughout the week.  As our relationship deepened our social life was just as active.  Through our married years, we had many, many dinners and parties, churrascos; we partied hardy.  Our life was full and complete.

I enjoyed this heavy social life.  To tell you all a secret, I am extroverted.  I have always drawn my energy from laughter and conversation; from the close contact of others.

Now, now I find myself at home.  I find myself watching tv, reading, cleaning house and watching more tv on Friday nights,  all nights actually.   I receive invitations to go out but I just don't want to go.  Before you start thinking I am depressed, or getting ready to jump off the bridge, don't worry.  I have thought about this and conclude that over my 20 years with Camillo, 10 years in Brasil and in these last 3 years alone, I have just changed.  Call it maturity or even old age, but what I want to do is read and write, and paint furniture and to make my house a home, spend time with my family and with friends that matter.  The bright lights and noise of a club is no longer what I want.  And its okay.

Time to start the walk

I don’t know what happened to my first post. I put it online right after midnight on the 9th, and then started playing with the blog layout; adding gadgets and such.  Then I went to bed around 1:00 am.  I came over here to see how the new gadgets were working in mid-afternoon, and NOTHING except the photo. It might not have been the best post I have ever written, very likely it was a little stiff, but I was proud that after 18 months of silence I’d finally picked up my pen again.  I am sorry; to those that might have come by for a visit, please know I will try again to write something similar.  All those that know me, know I write off the top of my head often leaving out words and making you suffer through misspells and typos as my thoughts flow faster than I am able to type, so recreating equal is next to impossible for me.  But I will try.

I write again:  Today (the 9th) is the 3 anniversary of Camillo’s death.  I have had moments of sadness, and moment of gladness, but through the past 3 years I have not been writing nor taking photos.  Now I will try again to start noting my thoughts; sending them out into cyberspace; hoping to share with you the process, the ups and downs, and the gradual acceptance that happens with time.  (only the first sentence is like the first post – I go with my flow and will catch the other ideas over time).

I am hoping that my thoughts will move very quickly from the past 3 years and into thoughts and feeling of now, and plans for the future.  If I sound stuck, tell me.  prod and poke and question until I move myself forward and this blogs morphs into something we can all enjoy.

Write to me.  I look forward to your thoughts.